My Mood Disorder (Part 2)

When I checked myself into the hospital again, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. Since I had been on medication before, the doctors there didn't have the best evidence. I either have Bipolar Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or Asperger's. I'm not really sure. I was put on Lithium and Geodon. I felt some benefit, but more side effects. Many side effects. Before junior year, I was put on Neurontin. All three medicines together made me feel stoned all day. By this time, I didn't really smoke pot anymore. I rarely got any mood disturbances on these medicines. I was a blur. In November, I decided it was time to take myself off Lithium. December was actually a good month. I have many good memories from that month. In December I got tired of medicine so I just came off of it. I was utterly shocked when I found little change in my mood and sleep. I still missed school because of tiredness. I actually slept more. April - June, the Seroquel put me to bed at night. During June- November Geodon put me to sleep and November to December Saphris put me to sleep. I was never an insomniac. It's just that medicine for mood stabilization puts people to sleep. I had great difficulty falling sleep after coming off the medicine. For about 2 months I would go to sleep after midnight every night. In March I got fed up with this. My anxiety was also coming back. One day, I came home from school and my mom wasn't home. I panicked. I thought she died. I knew she was at the grocery store or something but I couldn't tell myself this. I expected the worse and broke down. For two weeks I ravaged through my medicine cabinet. I took Nyquil and Benadryl in order to fall asleep. I snorted Xanax a couple of times to help my anxiety. I still miss the taste of Nyquil and the wondrous feeling I got after snorting Xanax. Xanax made the world seem like a beautiful place and made me think my life was perfect in every way. The Xanax made me realize things that were actually true. The world really is a beautiful place and my life is as perfect as a life can be. I was put on Neurontin alone to help anxiety. The first day on Neurontin alone, I hung out with some friends. I felt so included and felt so content with other people. I rarely get this anymore. Neurontin is a very interesting drug. However, it made me suicidal in three weeks. It also made me burst into tears randomly. I was put on Seroquel to stabilize my mood. I've been on Seroquel only ever since. Neurontin helps me socialize so I take it as needed.