Embracing Today

There is something that dominates my thought constantly. It's called the MBTI. The MBTI has interested me more than anything ever has before. It changed my views of people, behavior. It is a way of organizing my analyses of everything. This is ironic because my personality type is one that analyzes everything. My guess is that the majority of people have taken the MBTI at some point in their life. I love the MBTI because there is no "in-between". Everyone has a type. I do believe that people switch types; I know that I did. Before Seroquel I was an ISFP but now I am an INTP. I've always been an INTP, it's just that once I started getting depressed I was an ISFP. I was still an INTP but I wasn't acting like my true self. As a T personality, I care more about function than aesthetic. However, I can still appreciate when things are aesthetic. In English, I just finished this book, Great Expectations. The story, to me, was just a story about a boy's journey. There was no underlying theme. Since I'm an N, I like things that have a "big picture". I really like satire. It's hard for me to like something based on its process. It's kind of like the movie Pulp Fiction. There is no underlying theme, but I like the movie because of the acting, plot, etc. This is rare for me. I don't think movies that I like based on the process will ever be in my top movies.
With the F/T spectrum, there are some albums that I like because of the good music. I'm a musician, so I like when the music is good. However, I have a connection with some albums. These albums are usually good music too but...... I just have to point out, sometimes my thoughts are racing so fast in my head I can't keep track of what I'm thinking.
One album I have a deep connection with is Emarosa's self titled album. Yesterday, I went driving and listened to it on my iPod I thought, I have to buy this Cd. I just have to buy it. Unfortunately I got in the wrong lane to Newbury Comics so I didn't go but then my friend called me and invited me to come christmas shopping with her. I bought the CD then but I'm kind of wishing I bought when I first had the impulse.
I was sitting in this rock quarry, (the rock quarry is part of me since I'm an INTP and one of my functions is Introverted Sensing, well same with music actually since music is a sense. I have another post about this). I was by myself and kind of lost touch with reality. I was lamenting over the fact that I've been by myself the majority of my high school career. I haven't been in school, hung out with the same people. It's really nothing to be sad about because there's nothing wrong with it. It's not bothering me right now.
I own three CDs. Blue Sky Noise by Circa Survive, The Earth Sings Mi Fa Mi by The Receiving End of Sirens, and now Emarosa by Emarosa.  When I was at the quarry, I thought about something I think about a lot. There is this life I wish I had. Well it's actually I way I wish my life was. There have been moments where I have felt close to it but they happen rarely. One is listening to physical CDs. It has to do with things that happen in the 90's. Also, the album Deja Entendu by Brand New makes me feel like this. Being at the rock quarry does. Being with this old friend I had. It has to do with age 6, in 2000. I lived with my mom's boyfriend in an somewhat old house. I had a step-brother who was much older. In 2000 he was 15/16/17 I don't remember. But he felt so much older than me. He was in high school and we would hang out a lot. Not a lot but sometimes. I picked up on some sensory things then and loved the senses. I thought I would get the same senses when I was in high school but now that I'm in high school I haven't felt these senses that much. There's also a friend of mine who has a basement very similar to the house I used to live in so that basement is a throwback. I wasn't able to piece all of this together until a few times getting extremely stoned. When I smoke weed, I usually just get high (which I haven't in the longest time) but sometimes I will get stoned I come to incredible epiphanies. When I first started doing this, the epiphanies were stupid but I didn't realize it while I was making them. There is so much stuff that stays with us that we don't even realize. But just recently I had another epiphany (without weed).
In  a few years, I'm going to have that same sensory thing about the time RIGHT NOW IN THIS MOMENT. So I don't really look back anymore. I think, things from age 6 are rooted really deeply into peoples brains but same with age 17. It's just that I think I'm old but I am so young and I have many many years ahead of me, assuming I don't die. So thinking about this at the rock quarry, I decided to buy that CD.
I used to live in another house. When I go near there I think, wow I remember living here, but I only lived there for 2 years. I'm sure when I come back to the house I live in now, that I've been in for 3 years I'll be even more thrown back. So here's to today. Although our current senses aren't noticeable and boring, we have to embrace them. Embrace every sense you find today, no matter its significance. And if you really love music, buy the music that matters, because this is my new years resolution.