I just finished my freshman year. It was quite a shitty experience honestly. The only good things that happened were completely unrelated to the school. Before I left for college I had a pretty clear expectation of how it would play out. I imagined myself skipping class a lot but doing well in my classes. I knew I wouldn't have a major change in my life. I knew that I was going to come home every weekend to work. Despite all of these expectations, I was prepared to be pleasantly surprised. I was wrong. College has taken up all of my thoughts and I'm ready to be done with it. That is why I'm trying to graduate early. I ended up moving into a dorm right next to this annoying cunt named Charlotte. She kept me up every night talking pretty loudly. I couldn't figure out any benefits to being present there. My schedule was somewhat lame. I had five classes. Multivariable Calculus was pretty easy. I was really good at calculus. Probability was hard. My biology elective, Insects and Human Society was a huge waste of my time and my money. It was an easy A, but I still got a C+. I put absolutely no effort in that class. College Writing wasn't bad. I didn't learn how to write. I just listened to my teacher talk about the Daily Show or something like that. My Java course was 100% online so I obviously went to class never.
I had a rough time in my mind. I couldn't understand why I was paying so much money to learn useless knowledge, especially since I was capable of teaching myself everything. I actually was teaching myself everything. I was hated the dorm I was paying 2k a semester for. It was so loud and I could never sleep. Then I realized I was living alone and could basically smoke pot whenever I wanted to. I also decreased my Seroquel from 100mg to 50mg. A doctor out there suggested that I lower my Seroquel and take Xanax as needed. Things were going okay. I got a new car in October. It's a 1999 Toyota Camry and it doesn't break down randomly like the old Subaru. Despite this, my anxiety is worse so I'm more scared to drive.
Like I said, things were okay until one night, December 9th. I had a few hits of weed and watched mean girls. I went downstairs to go to sleep and couldn't get comfortable in my bed. I was getting very nervous and realized I was just having a bad high. I had them before and knew I could get through it. I had that prescription of Xanax and decided to take one. I felt as if I had to go to bathroom. Nothing came out. I stood up and my hands were shaking, and then my heart fell into my stomach. Something wasn't right. I entered my mom's room and told her I couldn't stop shaking. She got up to get the telephone and I laid down in her bed. I began to shake uncontrollably. I clenched my teeth into the blanket fearing my chattering teeth would pierce into each other. She called for the ambulance.
I felt like a lunatic in the ER. I couldn't stop screaming or shaking. I was desperate for something to calm me down. They gave me Valium and I came back to reality. I cried for awhile and then fell back asleep. I managed to get through finals the next week, and study for exam P all of winter break.
I'm a math major, with a concentration in actuarial science. To work as an actuary, you have pass a series of off-campus exams. I was having a rough time over winter break and didn't really want to leave my house. I thought my ER fiasco was related to the Seroquel so I came off. I got really anxious and agoraphobic. Fortunately, this worked to my advantage. I studied very hard for P and passed on January 16th. I passed the first actuarial exam at age 18. When I passed, I wasn't really proud of myself, just relieved. It wasn't long before school started again. I signed up for Linear Algebra, Differential Equations, Fundamental Concepts of Math, Math of Finance, and Statistics II.
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